1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,599 Slimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:06,999 Dingy castles, daring knights 3 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,799 Cut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians 4 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,199 Punishment from ancient times 5 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:15,039 Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless 6 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,039 Mean and Measly Middle Ages 7 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,759 8 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,279 9 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,239 10 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:27,519 11 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,360 12 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:42,159 Have you ever dreamt of being a prince or princess, 13 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:45,279 living in a fancy castle, wearing cool crowns, 14 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,559 and drinking only the finest bin juices? 15 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,839 SLURPING Hmm, nice! 16 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,599 Of course, that only happens by magic in fairy stories. 17 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:58,479 Normally, a lot of work goes into being a royal. 18 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:02,479 Guys, what an incredible show we've got for you today! 19 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,839 I'm famous French hairdresser Sieur Larsenneur. 20 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:07,279 And I'm portrait artist, Joseph Ducreux, 21 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:10,879 and we are here to collect an Austrian princess. 22 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,919 Say hi to the viewers. H-Hello. 23 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:17,079 This princess knows she's heading to France to marry Prince Louis, 24 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,079 who is going to be king one day. 25 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,239 What she DOESN'T know is how much the French public 26 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,359 will hate her if she looks Austrian. 27 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:25,759 What?! 28 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,359 They literally won't let her into the country looking like this. 29 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:29,999 They'll rip her to shreds! 30 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,279 Which, quite frankly, would be an improvement. 31 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:36,360 So we're here to make this Austrian wench look really French. 32 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:51,119 Now, I'm thinking we'll call you "Marie Antoinette." 33 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:52,639 But that is not my name. 34 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,199 My name is Maria Antonia. 35 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,759 Not any more! We're changing it to Marie Antoinette. 36 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,079 It sounds more French. 37 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,680 Future Queen of France, let's dance! 38 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,719 What is going on with this hair? 39 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:12,279 You've got it scraped back so far, it's pulling out the roots in clumps. 40 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:14,759 But it's very fashionable in Austria. 41 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,199 Huh! That explains everything... 42 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:19,199 At the moment, honey, this forehead gives me a sore head. 43 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,999 Oh, MG, you are SO right! 44 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:24,039 That's why, when I was sent to Austria to paint you, 45 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:28,119 I painted what I WANTED to see, not what I DID see. 46 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:32,239 She is so fresh, so fly, so French. 47 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,719 It doesn't look anything like me. 48 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,359 BOTH: Exactly! 49 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,160 So good. Thank you. 50 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,079 Wow. It's magnificent. I know. 51 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:49,279 Now, sweetie, we want this makeover to get you smiling again, 52 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:53,079 but only after we've fixed your disgusting Austrian fangs. 53 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:57,119 Look at those jagged little teeth pointing out all over the place. 54 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,519 It's like, "Guys, pick a direction!" 55 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:04,039 So we're going to give you a very beautiful and very straight smile 56 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,239 and all it will take is some light dentistry 57 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,839 using these state of the art metal tools. 58 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:12,239 Ah! Won't that hurt? You won't feel a thing... 59 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:13,439 Oh. 60 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,959 ..because you'll feel everything! We don't have pain relief. 61 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:20,839 Open wide! Let's make your dentures all Frenchers. 62 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,159 SHE WHIMPERS 63 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,520 MIMICKING 64 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:30,719 When we met Maria Antonia she was a real "No, no, no-nia." 65 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:34,239 But Marie Antoinette is tres chic. She's glamorous. 66 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:38,479 She can barely move her mouth after agonising dental surgery, 67 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,639 but she is fit for France. 68 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,039 Ah oui, oui, oui, oui, oui! 69 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,199 CHEERING 70 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:46,559 So, what do you think of your transformation? Are you happy? 71 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,760 MUFFLED WHIMPERING 72 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:50,559 Oh, she's speechless. 73 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:55,319 And now, you're finally ready to enter France and marry a prince. 74 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,319 Yas, queen! 75 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,599 This is the happi... Argh! Happiest day of my life. Oh! 76 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:01,959 Let's dance! 77 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,280 Woo! 78 00:04:04,151 --> 00:04:09,559 Yeah, we probably should have worked on her dancing, too. 79 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:11,479 Definitely. 80 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:14,080 Please, just stop. You're embarrassing everyone. 81 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,199 Some can spend their whole lives 82 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,519 searching for true love and never find it. 83 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,599 But for Prince Arthur, Tudor heir to the throne of England, 84 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,839 his true love was arranged by his father's lawyers 85 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:30,519 as part of a peace treaty when he was two years old. 86 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,999 And they say romance is dead! 87 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,919 But while Arthur has known the name of his true love 88 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:36,799 since he was a toddler, 89 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,760 this will be their VERY first date. 90 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:40,850 Enjoy. 91 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,399 I really hope we get on. 92 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,519 We're getting married at the end of next week. 93 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,919 Prince Arthur's first date and soon to be wife 94 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,439 is Spanish Princess Catherine of Aragon. 95 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,399 So great to finally meet you. 96 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:57,079 I'm Prince Arthur. My father is King Henry VII... 97 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:58,719 ..er, which means I will be 98 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:02,040 the first official King Arthur of Britain, eventually. 99 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:04,840 Hi. 100 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:19,799 So it turns out she can't speak any English at all, 101 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:24,439 which is, you know, a shame, cos English is my best language. 102 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:28,719 Gracias, chorizo, Barcelona. 103 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,360 Nachos. Si? 104 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,439 You like food? "Food"? 105 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,999 "Oh, yum-yum-yum-yum-yum-yum!" Chicken? 106 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,759 MAKES CHICKEN NOISES 107 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,719 Creo que es un idiota. 108 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,120 Si, el es un idiota. 109 00:05:43,121 --> 00:05:47,319 I think idiot means something completely different in Spanish! 110 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,039 Actually, it's the same thing. Right. 111 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:51,559 This is an absolute disaster. 112 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,879 I mean, I probably should have seen this coming, right? 113 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,559 Cos we just used to write to each other in Latin, so... 114 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:57,919 ..wait. 115 00:05:57,920 --> 00:05:59,359 Game on! 116 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,279 Te amo. Te amo. 117 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:05,799 The international language of love, Latin. 118 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,599 What can I get you? 119 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:08,959 SPEAKS LATIN 120 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,279 I... I'm so sorry, I do not speak Latin. 121 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:12,880 Idiota! 122 00:06:12,881 --> 00:06:16,319 Do you think you'll see each other again? 123 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,919 Er, yeah. I mean, we're getting married in ten days, 124 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,799 Heads! Sorry, bro. Great touch, though 125 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,519 That's just my little brother, Prince Henry. 126 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,399 Ah. Henry, er... Ocho. 127 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,559 Henry VIII?! 128 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:28,799 HE CACKLES 129 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,839 No! Fat chance of that. 130 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:32,879 He can only be called that if he became king, 131 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,479 and that's not going to happen unless I die, so... No. 132 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,999 Once we get married, you'll never have to worry about him ever again. 133 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,920 Bull's-eye! Right, come here! 134 00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:52,440 Gives me all the feels, actually. 135 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:01,439 Bonjour. I am Mary Queen of Scots and, as you can imagine, 136 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,279 being Queen of Scotland made me quite a catch 137 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,679 in the 16th-century dating world. 138 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,639 SCOTTISH ACCENT: I'm also well fit! 139 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,519 Ssss... Ouch. Ha-ha! 140 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,479 My hand in marriage was so sought after 141 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:17,839 that I was engaged to be married when I was just six months old. 142 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:21,119 Henry VIII wanted me to marry his son, Prince Edward. 143 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:25,919 But, tell me, what did he send to help seal the marriage? 144 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,639 SCOTTISH ACCENT: I like presents. Who doesn't? 145 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:29,840 Did he send... 146 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,400 BACKGROUND: Aw! 147 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:35,920 BACKGROUND: Ooh! 148 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,359 BACKGROUND: Oh. 149 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:39,719 The answer is... 150 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,679 ..C! He sent an army. 151 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,679 SCOTTISH ACCENT: He started a war to make sure I married his son. 152 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:48,719 It's called the Rough Wooing, and it lasted for eight years, 153 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,359 so I married the King of France instead. 154 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,479 SCOTTISH ACCENT: Do one, Edward! 155 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:54,799 You see? 156 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:58,079 You probably think that princes and princesses have an easy life, 157 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,639 but that's not always been the case, 158 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:01,999 Mm, mm, mm. 159 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,319 Back in history, they were often married off to other royals 160 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,479 just to make their own family more powerful. 161 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,959 And if THAT sounds bad, 162 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,999 wait until you see what giving birth could be like! 163 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,560 It's poor old Marie Antoinette again. Hmm... 164 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:19,959 Oh, where is my husband? 165 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,039 Er, I cannot see the King, Your Majesty, 166 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,359 unless he is at the back? 167 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:25,639 SHE GROANS 168 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,959 Why are they watching? I'm trying to give birth here. 169 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:32,759 Right this way. Room at the front, Your Majesty. 170 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,119 I love a royal birth! 171 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:37,079 Don't get me wrong, an execution is fun but it is over so quickly. 172 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:40,039 Darling, do we really have to have all of these people here watching? 173 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,519 My love, we are here to celebrate the birth of a prince... 174 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:44,639 ..or princess. 175 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,839 WHIMPERING We need an audience! 176 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,239 We need witnesses to prove the Queen ACTUALLY gave birth 177 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,479 and they didn't use somebody else's baby. 178 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,599 Plus, if it is a girl, it stops them swapping it out for a boy, 179 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,639 so the King then has an heir. 180 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,519 Bonjour! DOOR KNOCKS 181 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:00,759 Oh, the doctor has arrived! It is a bit quiet in here. 182 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:04,360 I thought you were having a royal birth. More people! What?! 183 00:09:04,361 --> 00:09:07,559 I was only here to sweep the chimney. 184 00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:10,119 Urgh! Get your grubby stick away from me! 185 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:13,159 Ignore them, my darling. Just imagine they are not there. 186 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:17,679 What if I didn't have to imagine and they actually weren't there? 187 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,919 THEY GASP She doesn't mean it. 188 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,479 I do. It is coming. 189 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,279 THEY CHEER 190 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,599 How do you feel? A little bit woozy, actually. 191 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:26,999 He was talking to... Ah! 192 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,159 Can somebody open the window, please? 193 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,799 The Princess de Lamballe 194 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,399 clearly needs some air! 195 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,799 OK. Everyone ready? 196 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,119 TOGETHER: Oui. 197 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,519 Where are the... THEY EXCLAIM 198 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:40,559 Don't panic. I will stick a spike into her foot 199 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,399 to release the blood pressure in her body. 200 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,519 Will that work? It will certainly wake her up. 201 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:45,679 SHE CRIES 202 00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:47,759 She's back! THEY CHEER 203 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:49,479 Come on, Your Majesty, push! 204 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,719 SHE GROANS Push! 205 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:54,840 GROANING CONTINUES CHANTING: Push! Push! Push... 206 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,119 BABY CRIES Push. 207 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,679 It's a girl. 208 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,199 FAINTLY: Yay... DISAPPOINTED GROANING 209 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,239 Er, that's OK. It's good, that's good! 210 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,279 Er... OK, so, er... I need some time to meet my daughter, so... 211 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:09,679 Everyone, out! 212 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,559 The King needs some private time with his new daughter. 213 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,679 This is a very, very personal moment. 214 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,599 That is a "personal moment?!" 215 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,519 I've just had a baby in public! 216 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:20,120 Unbelievable. 217 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:26,479 My first wife, Catherine of Aragon, gave me a daughter, Princess Mary, 218 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,119 which was great and everything, 219 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:32,279 but I wanted a son and heir to my throne - a prince! 220 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:35,839 Erm, I did actually then have a son but, erm... 221 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:39,799 ..not with the Queen, so he couldn't be an official prince. 222 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:44,079 Awkward! Er... But now my second wife Anne is pregnant 223 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:47,359 and I'm certain it's going to be prince time, baby! 224 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,439 Although I wouldn't lose my head if it's a girl. 225 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,000 Someone might, though... 226 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:57,159 Anne Boleyn, my new wife, is pregnant and everybody's thrilled! 227 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,199 You lie about my mum to get a divorce, 228 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,039 you ban me from visiting her, 229 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,239 and you say I'm not a princess any more, 230 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,879 and you expect me to be happy about your wife being pregnant? 231 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,679 Too right, Mary! Can I get a "whoop-whoop"? 232 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,599 Yeah, she's pretty upset. 233 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,359 I should probably go see if she's OK... 234 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:18,119 ..or, I can organise a special joust for the birth of my son. 235 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,240 It's bound to be a boy this time. 236 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,599 Right? Wrong! 237 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:28,359 King Henry is delighted to announce the birth of the Prince...ess. 238 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,599 The whole point of divorcing the last one 239 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:31,999 was so that I could get a son, 240 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,479 and now look what's happened! 241 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:36,119 A beautiful, healthy baby girl. 242 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,440 Oh, not now! Guys, read the room. 243 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,119 Can I just double check that... 244 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,200 She's definitely a girl! ..OK, fine. 245 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,040 BABY SHRIEKING 246 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:51,559 Urgh! 247 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:54,480 Father. Hello. Father's fake wife... 248 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,719 Queen Anne, actually. 249 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:02,439 For now. Let's see what happens next time you don't have a son. 250 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaking of the King's sons. Henry Fitzroy in the house! 251 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,559 You don't count. 252 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:11,839 Ugh! JUST cos the King wasn't married to my mum. Typical. 253 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:12,999 Sorry, guys. 254 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,599 I can't believe you gave him better rooms than me at Christmas. 255 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:19,000 It's going to be one of those days. Right. Can we try and smile, yeah? 256 00:12:19,571 --> 00:12:25,799 Wonderful news, Mary. We want you to live with Princess Elizabeth. 257 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,279 ELIZABETH CRIES It will be convenient 258 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,399 because you will be working for her... As a servant. 259 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,119 That's no position for a princess. 260 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:36,239 But you're not a princess any more, are you? 261 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,999 Your daddy took your title away, didn't you, darling? 262 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,239 Hmm? I certainly feel a bit peckish, actually. 263 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:42,679 No. Stay where you are. 264 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:46,319 Dad! You can't let that woman talk... Er, the QUEEN! 265 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,879 ..my mother, Catherine of Aragon, is the Queen. 266 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,479 Not any more, she isn't. 267 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,719 SHE GRUNTS 268 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,119 I'm just going to go grab a couple of pork chops... 269 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,519 Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh! Uh. 270 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,279 I eat when I'm nervous. 271 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,239 And when I'm not nervous. 272 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,640 I'm a hungry boy! 273 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,039 They've taken away my household. 274 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,999 Anne Boleyn has destroyed my life. 275 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,079 I'm not calling her "Queen" 276 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,679 and I'm not calling her daughter "Princess" 277 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:17,639 and I'm not agreeing with her about anything, ever! 278 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,759 Hey, guys. Just came to say hello to the baby. 279 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,279 BOTH: What's HE doing here? 280 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:24,159 Weird. Suddenly all I can think about is pork chops. 281 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,399 A chop off the old block. 282 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,079 BOTH: Oh, I hate him. 283 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,600 Oh, jinx! Ha-ha! 284 00:13:28,601 --> 00:13:32,759 No, you can't keep calling yourself "princess." 285 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,239 This is my final word. 286 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,559 Please, Daddy! 287 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,279 Oh, go on, then. You can carry on. 288 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,599 What?! What can I say. I'm a big softie. 289 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:41,959 I'm a princess. 290 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,399 Have we had lunch already? 291 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:48,439 Better have another one, just to be on the safe side. Yeah? 292 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:49,720 Lunch. Let's wrap it up. 293 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:54,719 Hi, I'm the Prince of Wales, 294 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,359 and when my old man, King George III, dies, 295 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,559 I'm going to be made King George IV. 296 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,479 Let's hope that's not too far away. 297 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,839 I'm King George III, his father, 298 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,479 and I'm still alive. 299 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:08,559 What's the best thing about being a prince? 300 00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:11,519 Well, all that pampering. Spoilt rotten. I blame your mother. 301 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,119 She thought he was so perfect that she put him on display to the public 302 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,559 when he was just a week old. 303 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:19,559 And people came from all over just to see His Royal Cuteness. 304 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,359 I mean, you just looked like any other baby. 305 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,919 Yeah, well, Mummy didn't think so. 306 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,559 She had a life-size waxwork model made of me, 307 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,119 kept it in this little glass display jar. 308 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,119 Actually kind of creepy now that I think about it but, er... 309 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,520 Dad? 310 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:38,679 Am I going to be King George IV? 311 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,719 HE SNORES No! 312 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,600 Kingly sleep. What's wrong with you? 313 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,199 Many princes and princesses lived a life of luxury. 314 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,679 But others had much more difficult lives. 315 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,879 Some suffered like you wouldn't believe. 316 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:59,999 One 18th-century African prince was taken from his home, 317 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,839 sold into slavery and forced to travel to America, 318 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:08,399 where he did back-breaking work on a cotton plantation in Mississippi. 319 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,519 His life did eventually improve a little, 320 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:13,799 but it took time - a long time. 321 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,279 A long, long, long time. 322 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,359 Ladies and gentlemen, 323 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:22,679 I am Prince Abdul Rahman Ibrahima Sori. 324 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,119 Thank you all for coming tonight 325 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:29,359 to hear the tale of my escape from captivity. 326 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:30,759 Oh, forget it! 327 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,559 I can't believe me eye. 328 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,359 Could it really be? 329 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,919 Prince Abdul! 330 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:37,999 Oh, he tell you he was a prince, too? 331 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,119 Yeah, ignore him. He's just a slave. 332 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,999 Prince Abdul, it's me - Dr John Coates Cox. 333 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,319 Oh! Your father, King Ibrahima, saved me life 334 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,919 when I was in West Africa. 335 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,359 Dr Cox! Ha-ha! 336 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,039 Oh, I was taken from my family's kingdom, 337 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,839 and I have been enslaved here for 19 years. 338 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,039 I'm so sorry, Abdul. 339 00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:00,199 Hey! In your face, grumpy villager lady! 340 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,159 I'm a prince! It's true, he is a prince. 341 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,159 Well, that's nice. 342 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,879 The authorities here won't care. 343 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,439 He's still enslaved. 344 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,759 Over my dead body. Your Royal Highness, 345 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:15,039 you will be free within a year. 346 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,919 21 years later, 347 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,799 I was still a slave, 348 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,839 and my potential rescuer, Dr Cox, was dead. 349 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,319 AUDIENCE GASPS But, while my hopes were fading, 350 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,679 others were still fighting my cause. 351 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:32,599 Thank you for continuing Dr Cox's work, Mr Marshall, 352 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,959 but I'm still here. 353 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:37,119 So, I wrote to your father, the Sultan of Morocco, 354 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:40,319 and now he's written to the President of America. 355 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,319 The Sultan of Morocco is not my father. 356 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,999 Are you sure? I'm pretty sure, yeah. 357 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:47,759 Anyway, the Sultan was so moved that he wrote directly 358 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:52,479 to President Adams, who has now approved your journey home. 359 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:53,799 To Morocco? 360 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,399 Uh-huh. Which is not my home. 361 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,479 I'll admit, there's some details that need ironing out 362 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,319 but, Prince Abdul, don't you see? 363 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,679 You can leave this place. You're free. 364 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,239 STRING MUSIC PLAYS 365 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,239 This is really happening. 366 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:06,439 Where's my wife? 367 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,639 Darling, get the children. We are all free! 368 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,519 Ooh... MUSIC GRINDS TO A HALT 369 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,759 You did get the freedom for my wife and children, right? 370 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,639 Er, this is awkward. 371 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,599 My eight children. 372 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,639 Hmm. I'm a free man now. 373 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,519 I will do it myself. 374 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:27,399 And that is why I am here today, telling my story 375 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:31,159 and raising money to buy freedom for the rest of my family. 376 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,919 And I will not rest until I am done. 377 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,239 Can't your dad, the Sultan of Morocco, help? 378 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,159 Not my dad! 379 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,159 Please, pay attention. 380 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,479 Huh! This tour is very long. 381 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,479 VOICEOVER: Prince Abdul did eventually make it back to Africa, 382 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:50,159 but he sadly died before reaching his home again. 383 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,639 Some princes and princesses 384 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,439 choose to live their lives differently to most royals, 385 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,559 and march to the beat of their own drum, 386 00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:00,279 like my fellow suffragette Princess Sophia Duleep Singh. 387 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,759 Have you not heard of her? Wow! 388 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,759 She's a huge celeb here in Edwardian England. 389 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,759 She uses her fame to raise awareness for our cause - 390 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,239 votes for women, votes for women! 391 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:14,279 WOMEN CHANT: Votes for women! Votes for women! Votes for women! 392 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:15,919 D'ah! Votes for women! 393 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:19,119 Ah. Votes for women! Votes for women! 394 00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:22,079 Hi, cuz, don't see you at Hampton Court much. 395 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,919 I thought Buckingham Palace was your vibe. 396 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,159 Er, I'm not your cuz, Princess Sophia. 397 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:27,759 I am your king. Whatever. 398 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:31,159 Make it quick. I've got rights to fight for and bikes to fix. 399 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,159 OK, look, I know you're not a member of the British royal family, 400 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,639 but you are a princess, and we royals are expected 401 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:39,039 to behave in certain ways. 402 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:40,639 Give us a hand oiling this chain. 403 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,639 Certainly not! The daughter of a maharaja 404 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,719 should ride in a coach, not on a...a bike. 405 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,759 Yeah, but I'm the newspaper's face of female cycling. 406 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,439 And how can you campaign for equality riding in a royal carriage? 407 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:51,759 Look, Princess Sophia, 408 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,479 your behaviour is embarrassing the family. 409 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,399 Any more and I shall have to ask you 410 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,919 to stop living in Hampton Court Palace. 411 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:03,279 You can't. Your grandmother, Queen Victoria, was my godmother, 412 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,079 and she gave me these rooms to live in before she died. 413 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,239 They're mine. 414 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,479 Cycling, selling suffragette newspapers, 415 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,439 protesting with a troublemaking rabble. 416 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,159 I'm just trying to do my bit. 417 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,919 Oh! You could do your bit by paying some taxes. 418 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:23,319 I won't pay tax until women have fair representation in Government. 419 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,359 Votes for women! Votes for women! 420 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:27,799 Right. Votes for women! 421 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:31,079 Fine! Do what you want, forget you're a royal. 422 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:34,559 Please, try and make sure to keep your room tidy. 423 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,119 Tidy my room? 424 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:38,799 SCOFFING: No way! We have maids for that. 425 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,759 I am a princess, after all. 426 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:46,120 ALL: Votes for women! Votes for women! Votes for women! 427 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:57,479 Alfhild, your mother and I can't always be with you... Oh. 428 00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,639 ..making sure you don't meet any boys. 429 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,679 Uh... That's why we're putting a couple of deadly snakes 430 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,319 in your room... Ah! 431 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:06,599 ..to keep them away. 432 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,519 SHE YELPS Sleep well. What? 433 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:12,279 But don't touch them. Oh, snakes, get off! 434 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,839 I'll never get a boyfriend now. 435 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:15,879 I'm... 436 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,199 You're going to get killed 437 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,639 438 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,279 Or you'll end up dead 439 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,079 440 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,359 Go away! 441 00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:29,159 442 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,399 And those are some serious stakes 443 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:35,960 prince or three. 444 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,199 Like a princess from an old-school fairy tale, 445 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,879 Alfhild wants to find her prince. 446 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:47,439 Prince Alf, you got past the snakes and rescued me. 447 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:50,919 Let's get married. It'll be... 448 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:54,799 449 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,559 and silver frocks 450 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:02,679 451 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:06,519 452 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,999 What? You are getting married? 453 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,359 All you know about him is that he can avoid snakes. 454 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:13,159 Ah! Fine, you win. 455 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,399 What? I won't marry him. What?! Yes! 456 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,919 I'll dress up as a man and become a pirate! 457 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,239 Happy now? Oh! Is... 458 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,879 Wait, what just happened? 459 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,879 Alfhild, the true story of the princess 460 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,199 whose parents filled her bedroom with snakes 461 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,679 and who ran off to become a pirate. 462 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,679 That's for me 463 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,919 464 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,319 Yeah! 465 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,959 a queen like me. 466 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,879 Alfhild, a princess tale like you've never seen before. 467 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,919 Erm, I'm still a bit confused by the whole pirate thing. 468 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,039 Oh, and does anyone have any anti-venom for my bottom? 469 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,440 Oh! 470 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:51,839 471 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:53,519 472 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,719 473 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,559 so that you can 474 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,359 in a private place 475 00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,719 with a cape to hide your face 476 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,399 And then you're done 477 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,279 if you did a two or one 478 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,159 479 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:14,399 Please welcome today's historical figure who really needs the loo - 480 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,759 Bonnie Prince Charlie! 481 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,200 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 482 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,319 Greetings, friend. Ah! 483 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,119 Are you Bonnie Prince Charlie, the 18th-century prince 484 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,559 who laid clam to the thrones of England, Scotland 485 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:29,959 and Ireland? 486 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,999 Yeah! Mm. Who are you? Sorry, I just really need the loo. 487 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,119 HE FARTS 488 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,519 I...am Loo Man! 489 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:37,919 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 490 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,639 You have travelled through time from the 18th century 491 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,839 to use my first-rate toilet facility! 492 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,399 Oh! 493 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,159 It's...Plop Quiz! 494 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:49,319 RECORDED FART 495 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,159 What? Answer questions one and two 496 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,599 and I'll let you do a... AUDIENCE: Poo! 497 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,319 I really, really need the toilet, so can we...? 498 00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,719 Say no more. Question number one. 499 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,599 What is your proudest moment? 500 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,759 Well, my grandfather, James II... FART 501 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:06,199 ..was robbed of his English throne during the Glorious Revolution, 502 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,039 just for being a bit Catholic. FART 503 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,759 Er, so my proudest moment would be 504 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:11,839 when I and my Jacobite troops 505 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,919 crushed the British in battle... FART 506 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,159 bringing me closer to taking my throne back 507 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,159 from the usurper George II. FART 508 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:21,879 Throne, as in the toilet? 509 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:23,799 No, the throne as in the throne! 510 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:27,359 I am the rightful King of Britain and I really need a poo! 511 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:29,319 FART All right. 512 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,319 Question number two. Mm! 513 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,639 LAUGHING: Number two - it gets me every time. 514 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:34,759 Come on, come on, come on, come on! 515 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:35,879 FART AUDIENCE: Ooh! 516 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,359 What was your most embarrassing moment? 517 00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:40,919 Er, our rebellion ran out of luck around the time of 518 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,359 the Battle of Culloden... FART 519 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:44,559 and the English captured 3,500 of my men 520 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,119 and executed 120. 521 00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:47,679 And? FART 522 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,079 I had to escape in a boat while disguised as an Irish maid. 523 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,839 Now, can I please go to the toilet? I'm nearly touching tartan! 524 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,519 You may pass... 525 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:55,959 liquids and/or solids. 526 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,519 That honks, man! 527 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:58,799 Come on. 528 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:02,399 Join me next time, when I'll be stopping another historical celeb 529 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,159 from doing a poo, to ask the questions... 530 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,239 FART ..just for... 531 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,719 Want to say it with me, Bonnie Prince Charlie? 532 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:11,800 BOTH: Just for you. 533 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:20,719 Hi, I'm Prince Edward, 534 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,719 eldest son of Edward III. 535 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,879 Earl of Chester, Prince of Wales, Duke of Cornwall, 536 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,799 and absolute lad! 537 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,759 People also called me the Black Prince 538 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:34,079 on account of my sleek black armour, and because I'm hard as nails. 539 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,039 What's the best thing about being a prince? 540 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,519 Easy. 541 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:38,839 The weapons. 542 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,519 Like this bad boy. 543 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,239 Mwah, mwah, mwah! 544 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,199 This beauty's retired now, 545 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,399 but I've given it a place of honour in the Royal Hall. 546 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,039 Every day, it gets fed a ration of its own food. 547 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,999 Got to keep your strength up, haven't we? 548 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,239 Huh? What's that? 549 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,599 He likes chops! 550 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,560 Such a great sense of humour. 551 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:04,519 So that was some of history's most pitiful princes and princesses. 552 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:08,159 And many of them never even got to be King or Queen, 553 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:09,879 especially the girls. 554 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:14,039 Until 2013, it was the oldest boy who took the throne, 555 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,599 even if he had older sisters. Imagine! 556 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,639 The most important thing you've got to do 557 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:23,239 if you want to be in charge is to stay alive, 558 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,639 and that wasn't so easy in the old days. 559 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,239 Just ask the Black Prince Edward, Prince Arthur Tudor, 560 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,520 and Frederick, Prince of Wales. 561 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,719 562 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:42,039 563 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,480 564 00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:49,959 565 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,279 566 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,999 567 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,879 568 00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:58,279 HE RETCHES 569 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,599 570 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:06,479 To my brother 571 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,840 572 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:13,599 573 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:17,999 574 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:21,800 575 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,639 576 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,879 577 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,200 That stylish warrior 578 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,439 579 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,919 580 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:45,919 Fred was below par 581 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:50,799 We can't rule on 582 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:54,479 So let's hear it for the roll call 583 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:58,479 584 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,919 585 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,719 you never had 586 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,799 587 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,479 Drew his last breath 588 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,719 589 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,679 But pooed himself to death 590 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,759 FART Ha, ha, ha 591 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,519 592 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:23,279 593 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,119 Alphonso? 594 00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:26,679 Yeah, Alphonso. 595 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:27,759 Dad was Edward I. 596 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,359 I was going to be King of England but I died in 1284. 597 00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:32,079 HE TUTS Come on. 598 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,399 But we were gone 599 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,199 a King Alphonso 600 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:40,199 to be anointing 601 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,919 Dead disappointing 602 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,519 The sad procession 603 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:48,599 We've no succession 604 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,039 That much is clear 605 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:58,120 Of the rhythms. 606 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,999 Er, could we all stop going on about how I pooed myself to death? 607 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:04,759 There's nothing wrong with pooing yourself to death. 608 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,159 People did it all the time. 609 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,399 Shut up, Alphonso. 610 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:08,800 DRUM BOOMS 611 00:28:08,850 --> 00:28:13,400 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0